Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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