my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
