I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
