Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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