I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
