Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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