So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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