you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i think i just lost a toe
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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