Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
