I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
