i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
third nipple confirmed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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