I could make wine with my vomit
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
