So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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