I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
