so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
