Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We're too hungover to prance.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
