sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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