tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
