It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
