i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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