Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
