Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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