u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I enjoy the company of your penis
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