Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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