I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
