I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
"it" just moved
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
