im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
