Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I forget how to act sober
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