I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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