He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
