Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
