I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
