He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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