If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
