guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
