He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
