You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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