I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
