Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

You love popeyes more than me

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?

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(512): View more from Texas

I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.

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(419): View more from Ohio

its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.

Fav 14 3105 1026
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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body

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(630): View more from Illinois

I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.

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