first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
