then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
