I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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