Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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