We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
