he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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