party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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