reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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