while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We are all done wearing pants today
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
