Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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