Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
