what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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