anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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