Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
