She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sorry about my life...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
