just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need a beard to bite.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
