He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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