i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
