the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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