How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
