He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
