Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
