We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
