omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
