When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
