Do you still have your period?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
