Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
