i need an iv and a liver transplant
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
