I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
