I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
