Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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