STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
