Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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