I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
