I cannot find my penis.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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