Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Rumble strips road head = magical
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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