so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
