So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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