i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize