on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize