I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
