saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
