definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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