You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
