She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
