hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize