he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
