I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
