Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
