I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
