I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
