I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
