My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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