He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
