if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
