dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
